Every leader eventually inherits a situation they didn’t create: a team member who is underperforming, a role that no longer fits the strategy, a legacy of past decisions that don’t align with today’s realities.
These moments are uncomfortable. No one enjoys contemplating layoffs, role changes, or letting someone go. Yet avoiding them doesn’t protect the team; it prolongs harm.
In my coaching work, I’ve seen the same pattern repeatedly: leaders circling a difficult decision “like a cat around hot porridge.” They hold endless conversations, do the work themselves, or hope things will improve on their own, while the rest of the team quietly suffers. When the decision is finally made, the overwhelming reaction is relief. For the leader. For the team. Sometimes even for the person leaving.
Avoidance feels kind but often isn’t
Leaders often tell themselves they’re being compassionate by waiting:
- “Maybe they’ll improve if I just give more feedback.”
- “I don’t want to ruin their livelihood.”
- “It’s not the right time yet.”
But while you delay, others carry the extra load. Morale erodes. High performers wonder why standards don’t apply equally. Inaction becomes a silent endorsement of underperformance. True compassion is not endless postponement. It’s addressing reality promptly and respectfully.
Your role: not just manager, but culture architect
Every tough decision signals something about your culture:
- What you tolerate and for how long.
- How transparent you are about expectations.
- Whether dignity is preserved even in exits.
If you want a culture of accountability, fairness, and high standards, you must model it-especially when it’s hard.
How to handle hard people decisions without losing humanity
1. Get clear on the facts
Separate behaviour from feelings. Document specific impacts on the team, deadlines, or clients. This prevents emotional bias and strengthens your case if challenged.
2. Be honest and specific early
Don’t let feedback drift into vagueness. The earlier you communicate what’s not working, the fairer the process. Surprises breed resentment.
3. Offer support, but set limits
Coaching, mentoring, or reassigning can be appropriate, but define a time frame. “We’ll review in 60 days” is clearer than “Let’s see what happens.”
4. Decide decisively, execute dignifiedly
When the moment comes, act. Plan the conversation, keep it concise, respect privacy, and avoid blaming language. Focus on facts and next steps.
5. Communicate with the team
After the decision, acknowledge the change without gossip. Reiterate your standards and your commitment to fairness. This reassures the remaining team and rebuilds trust.
Inherited teams require even more intentionality
Taking over an existing team can feel like inheriting someone else’s unfinished business. Resist the urge to “live with it” indefinitely. Schedule structured check-ins to understand roles, expectations, and pain points. Decide early where you need alignment and where you can be patient. This sets the tone that you’re actively shaping, not passively tolerating.
Leadership is sometimes unpleasant, but it’s still leadership
Being a leader means making decisions others cannot or will not make. That includes unpleasant ones. Done well, these decisions don’t just resolve an individual issue: they reset the culture.
By confronting hard truths promptly and with respect, you:
- Protect your team from ongoing harm.
- Reaffirm your standards.
- Model the courage you expect from others.
The result is not a colder culture but a clearer, healthier one.
Raido Kivikangur is an Executive Clarity Coach and former CTO (€3B+ infrastructure programmes) who helps tech and infrastructure leaders cut through decision fatigue and lead with calm authority.
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