Have you ever set a goal that looked good on paper but drained you in real life? Chances are, it wasn’t your goal. It was borrowed. Borrowed goals look shiny at first, but they collapse fast. They don’t match your identity, and they can’t fuel you through the hard days.
Borrowed goals burn out. The sooner you spot them, the sooner you can replace them with goals that actually fit you.
What borrowed goals are
A borrowed goal is one you copy from someone else. You see your peers chasing it. Your family praises it. Social media makes it look glamorous. You think, “I should want that too.”
On the surface, it looks like ambition. In reality, it’s obligation. You’re running someone else’s race.
Examples:
• Running a marathon because your colleagues signed up.
• Getting an MBA because “it looks good on the résumé.”
• Buying a bigger house because everyone else upgraded.
• Starting a side hustle because your feed is full of entrepreneurs.
None of these are bad by themselves. But if they don’t fit your identity, they won’t last.
Why borrowed goals burn out
Borrowed goals collapse because they have no deep fuel. They’re powered by pressure, not passion. That works for a few weeks, maybe months. But when stress, fatigue, or setbacks hit, there’s no reserve. The engine dies.
Even worse, borrowed goals create guilt. You feel bad for not keeping up with a goal you never wanted in the first place. Energy drains. Confidence drops. Progress stalls.
How to spot a borrowed goal
Here are three tests I use with clients:
Test 1 – Excitement vs obligation. Do you feel pulled toward this goal, or pushed? Real goals pull you. Borrowed goals push you.
Test 2 – Identity fit. Does this goal express who you are, or who others expect you to be? If it feels like a costume, it won’t last.
Test 3 – Fuel depth. Ask: will this reason survive a bad week? If the fuel is “because I should” or “because others are,” it’s borrowed. Real fuel survives bad weather.
Client story - Mark’s MBA
Mark came to me saying he was drained by his MBA program. On paper, it made sense. His colleagues were doing it, and his boss approved. But he had no joy in it. The 5 whys revealed the truth: what he really wanted was to build his own consultancy. The MBA was someone else’s path.
Once Mark admitted that, everything shifted. He finished the current semester, then redirected his energy into creating his business plan. Within six months, he was energized again. He didn’t need more discipline. He needed ownership.
What to do instead
If you suspect a goal is borrowed, run the 5 whys. Keep digging until the answer touches identity. If you can’t reach identity, drop it. It’s not yours.
Then run your goal through the 4P clarity check:
Point A. Do I know my real starting point?
Point B. Is the destination clear and simple?
Fuel. Do I have a reason that survives stress?
Price. Am I willing to pay the toll?
If the answer is weak at any step, it’s probably a borrowed goal. Cut it early. Protect your energy for what’s real.
What this means for you
Borrowed goals waste energy and create guilt. Real goals give energy and build momentum. That’s why in the 4P Clarity Method we always test for ownership. If the goal isn’t truly yours, it won’t survive. If it is, it becomes unstoppable.
Don’t run someone else’s race. Write your own.
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👉 See the full 4P Clarity Method here:
https://coachraido.com/4p-clarity-method/